At my last job, I was asked to "perk up" a letter of recommendation for a departing employee. Since I too was departing, I took a few liberties. The names have been changed for no good reason.

November 30, 2000

Japan Exchange & Teaching Program

RE: JOHN DUDD

To Whom It May Concern:

I have known John Dudd for three years. During this time I have found him to be extremely bright, personable and a quick study. I know that John will excel at anything he wishes to do. John ultimately has an interest in attending medical school and I have encouraged him strongly in this endeavor because I know that with him practicing medicine the number of patients seeking urgent care can only increase

I understand that he is considering a sabbatical from his pre-medical studies which would take him to Japan as a language instructor. I highly endorse this any prospect of getting John out of the country and would recommend him to anyone who hasn't actually met him

John is an amicable and confident young man. His is expert at covering up his natural offensive odors and chronic halatosis to the point where some elderly patients never commented on it. He exemplifies the finest qualities in any employee. He has always been punctual except the many times he's been late and tardy, he's been attentive when not on crack, interested in things that turn most people's stomoches and a deft pickpocket. He combines this with his strong people skills. His parole officer said it best, "I'm glad John isn't smart enough to organize his tendencies into some kind of genocide." There has not been a day that my patients have not complimented him on his ability to conceal his homosexuality. John has been trained on very highly technical machines during the course of his employment with me and I'm confident I will one day have this equipment returned to me.

My high regard for him is exemplified by the three restraining orders I currently have against him and the large sums of money he continues to extort from me. John's dedication and improvisation were exemplified in July 2000 when through blackmail he accompanied me to Thailand on an eye mission. He successfully smuggled15 kilos of heroine past three customs checkpoints by shaping the blocks into penises and pounding them into his his rectum. During the course of performing 200 surgeries, John was instrumental in the euthanasia of at least half and the blinding of most of the survivors.

Any organization that would have John Dudd be a part of it, should carry extensive insurance and janitorial services. Should any questions arise, it is best to smile and walk away slowly

SINCERELY,

JOHN HINES, MD